Helpless
by Donna Lynn
Summary: Shalimar talks to Jesse about her feelings Brennan. Shalimar/Jesse friendship


****

Helpless  
Author: Donna Lynn  
E-mail: **donnalynn@darkangelsfanfic.com**   
Status: Complete  
Category: Angst  
Spoilers/Rumors: "Possibilities" | Missing Scene: Epilogue   
Season: 3  
Rating: PG  
Content Warning: One curse word, nothing bad really.   
Summary: Shalimar talks to Jesse about her feelings.   
Author's Note: Everyone seems to be putting their own opinion in on "Possibilities" so here's my two cents worth.   
Pairing: Shalimar/Brennan, Shalimar/Jesse friendship  
Disclaimer: The characters of **"Mutant X"** do not belong to me. So **_DO NOT_** sue me!

* * *

Shalimar sat against her bedroom wall deep in thought as she played with a letter opener. It was morning and she hadn't slept a wink. Every time she tried to lie down she would get restless and uncomfortable. She was exhausted and her eyes felt like someone had poured sand into them. She glanced at the alarm clock and sighed, it was seven am. She pushed herself up and threw the letter opener on her desk and walked out of her room towards the kitchen. 'Maybe if I get some food on my stomach I can get some rest' she thought miserably to herself. 

She slowed her pursuit when she sensed a presence and used her feral senses to see who it was. When she was sure it wasn't Brennan she continued her stride. "Are you eating all the food before anyone else can even get a bite?" she teased knowing Jesse was the person behind the fridge door. 

"I left you're 'Lucky Charms' my dear, " he called out from inside the fridge. 

She couldn't help but smile at his remark. She seated herself at the table and sighed, "I don't suppose I could convince you to make me a bowl of cereal could I?" She put on her best innocent look as he turned and looked at her. "Please?"

Jesse smiled, "Bowl of cereal coming up." 

"Thank you kind sir, " she tried to smile. 

He could tell she hadn't slept. The 'almost' smile said it all. Shalimar was hurt, to say the least. He knew Brennan had left earlier that morning and wondered what they had talked about the night before. He finished fixing her bowl then walked over to join her at the table. "Didn't sleep well huh?" he said putting the bowl down in front of her. 

"Didn't sleep at all, " she said quietly. She took hold of her spoon and pushed the cereal down into the milk making sure it got soaked in. 

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked softly. 

She dropped the spoon and covered her mouth as the tears from the night before began to break through again. "I hate myself, " she quivered. "I hate this whole situation!" she shoved the bowl into the wall with a fury and covered her face with her hands. 

The action hadn't scared Jesse at all. He wanted so badly to hold her and tell everything would be alright, but he couldn't. 

"One minute things are fine between us then the next something like this happens. Two steps forward then three steps back and it takes so long to catch back up, " she said sadly. "Sometimes I wish I had never gotten so close to him, " she whispered. "I hate myself."

He looked at her confused, "Why, because you're a person, because you feel?" 

"I don't hate that I feel for him Jes…I hate 'how' I feel about him. I'm not worried about some woman coming along a taking 'him' away, no…I'm worried about them taking what we 'have' away…" she trailed off trying to hold back her tears. "I hate the fact I…if I haven't already…fall deeply in love with him." She wiped away a few stray tears with a saddened sigh. "I care for him enough to want him to be happy…even if it isn't with me."

"Then you do love him, " he smiled sadly. 

She met his gaze briefly, "He asked me if I was jealous of her…I was. Of course I didn't admit this to him just denied it and made both of us feel like shit."

He shook his head, "Don't you see it Shal…he's just as afraid as you are. He's afraid to loose the closeness you guys have. You always factor into the equation."

She nodded, "We're not ready." Her lips quivered as another onslaught of tears threatened to break through. "He wants to be sure…and I'm grateful to him for that…and it scares me, that he could care for me that much." She covered her mouth again. 

Jesse reached across the table and took her hands, "Shalimar, listen to me, look at me…"

She met his gaze with red eyes. 

"…it just shows you how much he does care. I can see how what happened with Samantha and the though of how it affected you is what is eating away at him right now."

"I heard him leave out this morning, " she said. "Did he say where he was going?" she asked hopefully. 

He shook his head, "I didn't talk to him, I think he wants to be alone right now."

She nodded and gently tugged her hands from his. "I just hope this doesn't set us back, " she hoped. "I tried to comfort him last night and he just…" she trailed off shaking her head. "I guess that's one thing I can give him she couldn't?"

"What's that?" he asked curiously. 

She gazed at him sadly, "…time…"

He returned her sad gaze and they sat in silence. 

****

THE END

* * *

**Back to Fan Fiction****  
****Back to Archive****  
****Back to Index**

2nd Author's Note: I really hoped I captured this, please tell me what you think. I tried to write this in a mature manner and not out of control. I didn't want to write Shalimar or Brennan as a bunch of lovesick puppies who didn't get all the attention. I sort of put a little bit of personal emotion into this because it's similar to what's going on with someone I know. Please review and give your honest opinion, no matter how bad or good. Thanks!


End file.
